


Take Me To London

by 51stcenturygirl



Series: My future is our future and I will spend it with you [2]
Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Additional Warnings Apply, Angst, Cricket, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Love Letters, M/M, Richard parents, Richard spoils Thomas, Richard's friends, Romance, Shopping, Train Travel, description of suicide but not graphic, discussion of suicide, london holiday
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:41:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 18,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28437789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/51stcenturygirl/pseuds/51stcenturygirl
Summary: Richard and Thomas spend some more quality time together. Sequel to 'Unfinished Kisses'
Relationships: Thomas Barrow/Richard Ellis
Series: My future is our future and I will spend it with you [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2077305
Comments: 17
Kudos: 58





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Advance warning for discussion about/description of suicide later in chapter 10.

Thomas Barrow was in another good mood, he'd been in a lot of those of late. He was taking a chance to relax for a moment after breakfast, outside in the yard. Leaning up against the wall where he has spent a lot of his time over the years, smoking and taking the time to get away from it all for a brief moment. It was his place. Breathing out, he closed his eyes and let his mind wonder, back to that night spent in the countryside with Richard Ellis, who had paid him a surprise visit one day at Downton. Thomas felt the cool breeze brushing his face, just as it had done that night. As he fell further into his daydream he could feel Richard's lips on his own, then on his neck, his chest and on other parts of him too. He missed him of course, in an ideal world he could see Richard everyday, be with him in the open, but this wasn't an ideal world. He had learned however, to make the most of what he has. He has a long distance relationship with this amazing man, and bearing in mind that he had not had any sort of relationship like this, well ever, made this a huge improvement in his circumstances. He was grateful and savoured every letter he'd get, each one was special, each one made him feel special cause someone cared about him that much. To put it simply, he felt loved, for the first time in his life. 

The backdoor opening snapped Thomas out of his little daydream, "Mr Barrow, the morning's post is on your desk," Andy said. "I was going to give it to you earlier, but you looked a world away out here."

"Ah, right. Thank you Andy," Thomas said, waking up a little. "Andy," he said, walking up to the backdoor. "When was the last time you and Daisy went out together?"

"Um, I'm not sure. It's not often our half days are on the same day," Andy explained, taken back a little. Mr Barrow, had never asked him anything about him and Daisy before.

"Well, you should take her out one day, I'll see to it that your half days are on the same day, in the near future."

Andy smiled, "Thank you, that would mean a lot," Andy said. He was still trying to get used to the 'new' Mr Barrow.

...

"You look happy Andy," Anna Bates said seeing him come in after Mr Barrow.

"Yes, Mr Barrow just offered to make sure mine and Daisy's half days match. He's different these days isn't he?"

"I think he's happy that's all" Anna replied.

"He gets a lot more letters than he used to, do you think he's got someone? Is that possible for him?" Andy asked

"It's possible for anyone to be happy around the right person, that's all I'll say. Be sure though Andy that you don't spread any rumors' or gossip about this, it will not do Mr Barrow any good," Anna said as Andy was leaving the room.

"Yes of course. I understand," Andy said. Maybe he didn't understand completely, but he was happy that Mr Barrow was happy. Besides, if Mr Barrow was happy, then things would be easier for the rest of them.

...

Thomas closed the door of his office and took the pile of post that Andy had put on his desk. Quickly looking through the mail, putting aside anything that didn't immediately interest him, he finally saw what he was hoping for. An envelope with a London postmark, addressed to him in Richard's elegant handwriting...


	2. 2

_ Dear Thomas, _

_ I hope this letter finds you and everyone else at Downton well. I am sorry for the silence over the recent weeks, things have been a bit chaotic of late in the royal household. You see, Monsieur Courbet was struck down with influenza a few weeks ago leaving Mr Wilson very little time to find a suitable replacement. Needless to say, the replacement we did get for around a week wasn't up to Mr Wilson's impeccable standards. Most of the staff also ended up getting ill, none gravely thankfully, but it was perhaps even more chaotic than Downton during our visit! I too, was also ill for a while, though I don't want you to worry, my dear, as all is well now. _

_ Things have settled back into their normal routine, so I have finally been allowed to take some time off. Therefore, I will be coming up to York to see my parents for a few days. I will, of course, pay you a visit. I have missed spending time with you, as you made very pleasant company the last time I was up there. I will have a few days to myself in London as well, so I have something I'd like to ask you. _

_ I will see you soon _

_ E _

Thomas sat down after reading the letter, thinking. At first he was a little confused, but then he remembered Richard telling him about when he pretended to be a secret admirer of Mr Wilson, that he signed the letters with the initial of his last name, to make it less likely that the letter would be traced back to him. Thomas was glad Richard was well again, and for reassuring him so. He couldn't keep the smile off his face, nor the warm glow that was growing inside him, at the news that they would see each other again soon. He also kept wondering what Richard wanted to ask him, and what it had to do with Richard's days off whilst in London. Thomas' mind was coming up with all sorts of wild possibilities...

...

Phyllis Baxter, walked downstairs, carrying one of her ladyships' coats that needed a button sewing back on. She stopped a moment outside Mr Barrow's office, the door was slightly open and she could hear something she'd never heard from him before. Mr Barrow was humming rather tunefully from within. She smiled, and guessed he had received another letter. She thought about going in but didn't want to disturb his moment.

...

Thomas walked out of his office to see Miss Baxter standing on the stairs. "Everything alright, Miss Baxter?" Thomas asked.

"Yes, thank you."

Thomas smiled, "You're eavesdropping skills aren't the best, I could give you some pointers if you like?" Thomas said, cheekily.

"I doubt that would do either of us any good," she said, smiling. "I was just in the right place to overhear that you are obviously in a very good mood, of which I am glad. You look very happy."

"I'd say I am, yes. Now I must get on," Thomas said, turning to walk down the hallway, but not before winking in Miss Baxter's direction. Now Phyllis was surprised, but was not blind to the reason why, afterall she had encouraged it in the first place. 

"Where has the old Mr Barrow gone?" She said to herself. No matter, this one was better.


	3. 3

A week later and Downton was buzzing with excitement over the cricket match that took place every year between Downton and the village. The kitchen staff had been busy for most of the previous day, and this morning, over preparing enough food for both the family and staff, and Thomas had been up to his eyes in planning for this day. He would never admit it to the others off course, but this annual cricket match was something he did always look forward to. Simply because he was rather good at it, and had helped Downton win several times in the past, which made him rather popular on those days. He enjoyed people thinking well of him because of it, as up until recently, that didn't happen very much. So during the day's preparations, he had a spring in his step, and nothing seemed to annoy him- not even Mr Moseley's lectures to the staff about the technicalities of the game of cricket. Plus he knew Richard would be visiting in a matter of days- he only wished he could have visited today. Not that he wanted to show off or anything.

...

Under a bright blue spring sky, dotted only by a few light white fluffy clouds, the annual cricket match was well under way. Downton were a good distance ahead with points, Thomas managed to make up for the points lost when, Mr Moseley once again proved he could talk a good game but couldn't play one. Thomas walked over to the tents that had been set up to keep the sun off the spectators and the food, and was warmly congratulated on his success by Lord Grantham, who had probably had more drink than was good for him.

...

Richard Ellis was leaning on the fence bordering the cricket field, he had little knowledge of the game, but could see from the scoreboard that the Downton team were doing rather well. He was enjoying watching Thomas play, he had no idea the man was so talented. He smiled as he enjoyed the moment of watching Thomas from afar, and at the thought of surprising him once again.

...

"Well done, Mr Barrow," Daisy said, handing him a glass of fruit punch. 

"Thank you, Daisy. Though I can't take all the credit, I'm just part of the team after all," Thomas said, wondering himself where all this humility was coming from all of a sudden.

Thomas had a bit of time before he had to be back in the field, so wandered off round the side of the cricket club building for some time to himself. Whilst he enjoyed the company of others much more than he did in the past, he still needed to be alone sometimes. He leaned up against the building, lifting his head to the sky, and closing his eyes for a moment.

"Hmm, you look good in that uniform." Thomas' eyes flew open at the sound of that voice, his voice, and turned around to see Richard standing a few feet away from him. "No really Thomas, you should wear white more often." Richard said walking towards him, slowly closing the gap between them.

"Richard, what-?" Thomas began to ask, before he was interrupted by Richard, cupping his face in his hands and kissing him deeply. Thomas began to return his kiss, but, as much as he wanted to go further, they were in broad daylight with the entire village and Downton staff, just round the corner. Thomas stepped back a few paces, straightening his clothes out a bit, trying to compose himself a little. "What are you doing here? I thought you weren’t coming for another few days?" Thomas asked, breathing quickly.

"That was the plan, yes, but I had to swap a few of my days with one of the maids, so I'm here a few days earlier than planned. I called at Downton this morning, but was told everyone was down here for the cricket match. Congratulations by the way, you seem to be winning most of the points for Downton from where I was standing."

"You were watching me?" Thomas said, beaming.

"For a while yes, I didn't want to come over in case I might have distracted you? Would I have distracted you Mr Barrow?" Richard said, stepping closer to Thomas once again. The way Richard said 'Mr Barrow' did something to Thomas that was hard to control, resulting in him not being able to respond with anything other than a nod. Richard put his hand on Thomas' arm.

"Richard, we can't. Not here." Thomas said, looking at Richard's hand on him and then back up into Richard's eyes.Sighing, Richard let go and took a couple of steps back once again.

"No, you're right. Sorry Thomas, I've missed you, that's all." Thomas closed his eyes momentarily,

"I've missed you too." he said, as he heard footsteps coming towards them, causing the two men to step back from each other further.

"Oh Mr Barrow, there you are." Anna Bates said, walking around the corner. "You're needed out there again. Oh hello Mr Ellis, you're here again?" she said.

"Good afternoon Mrs Bates," Richard said, Thomas noticing him turning on his 'charm' that seemed to work on anyone. "Yes I was planning on visiting here in a few days, but as I was just explaining to Mr Barrow, my plans had to change suddenly, so I found myself here a few days earlier than planned. I'd thought I'd look in on Downton, but was told you were all down here."

"Well you're welcome to join us whilst Mr Barrow hopefully gets Downton a more secure lead," Anna said.

"I would be delighted, Mrs Bates," Richard replied, as the three of them walked back towards the field.

...

By mid afternoon, the match was over, Downton did indeed secure the victory, and Thomas had that warm feeling of pride in himself, but also for the rest of the team. As they all gathered to walk back to Downton. He felt especially happy that Richard had seen this, and that he was here. He was talking with Mrs Hughes over the other side of the tent, whilst watching Thomas, his eyes glinting with pride. Thomas walked over to the two of them.

"So where are you staying Mr Ellis?" he said.

"With my parents for the next few days, I caught the bus here from York, left my things with them. I will be heading back there in a while, I'd promised I'd spend the latter part of the afternoon there."

"Mr Ellis, why don't you join us for dinner later this evening? Unless you are expected elsewhere?" Mrs Hughes asked, sensing Mr Barrow's disappointment at Mr Ellis having to leave so soon.

"That's very kind Mrs Hughes, I'd love too." Richard answered, as Thomas smiled. "I will be able to be back from my parents house at around 8pm, if that is okay?"

"That would be fine." Mrs Hughes replied.

"In fact, I was wondering, if you would like to come along with me Mr Barrow? My parents are eager to meet the friend I made last year." Thomas blinked, he wasn’t sure what to say.

"I'm sure Mr Barrow would love to, the busiest part of the day is over now, so I reckon we could manage without him for a while," Mrs Hughes said, replying for Thomas, who once again had lost the ability to speak. "Just make sure you are back for 8pm. Mr Barrow?"

"Yes, that would be wonderful. I should have time to run back to change," Thomas replied.

...

"I'll meet you at the bus stop then?" Thomas said.

"Yes, perfect." Richard answered.

"Are you sure it's a good idea for me to come along?" Thomas asked. "What if they get the wrong idea about me or you, it could ruin everything?"

"It won't trust me," Richard said reassuringly. "My parents know about who I am, they know that I have met someone. I haven't told them your name, just that you work nearby. But they are happy for me, and they'd like to meet you."

Thomas was shocked, "They don't hate you? They don't find you disgusting?" he said, trying to keep his voice from wavering.

"No, they don't. My father wasn't okay with me at first, but my mother always knew and she never judged. But my father came around after a while, it was him actually, who first said that he wanted to meet you."

"I've never known that. My parents kicked me out as soon as they found out." Thomas said sadly.

"If you don't want to come then it's okay, I understand."

"No, I'll come. I want to be with you for as long as I can." Thomas said. Richard replied, by touching his arm.

"You should run back to Downton to change, or else we'll miss our bus."


	4. 4

Thomas and Richard walked along a residential looking street in the suburbs of York. The houses here weren't big but all looked well kept, each with small gardens in the front. Thomas was feeling nervous. His experience of people finding out about him usually didn't go well. Even though Richard's parents apparently were supportive, he was having a hard time accepting that they would be just as happy with Richard bringing a man home, than with him bringing a woman. Thomas followed Richard up the path to his parents' house, where an older man with Richard's eyes and smile, answered the door.

"Richard, good to see you!" Richard's father said, giving him a hug before stepping back to let the two younger men inside.

"Hello dad," Richard said, after they had stepped inside.

"And you must be Thomas, pleased to meet you," he said, shaking Thomas' hand.

"I was going to introduce you," Richard said to Thomas laughing, "but as usual I didn't get a chance. Thomas, this is my father, John."

"Pleasure," Thomas said, smiling at the situation.

"Come into the living room, my wife Marion is in the kitchen, she has made Victoria Sponge, Richard's favourite. Always has been ever since he was young." John said. As they all entered the living room, Richard's mother came into the room from the kitchen, where the delicious smell of freshly baked cake came wafting out from.

"Richie!" Marion exclaimed, as Richard received yet another hug.

"Mum, do you have to call me that? I'm not twelve anymore," Richard said, with fake annoyance, whilst smiling.

"Thomas, glad to finally meet you. Richard talks about no one else." She said, as Thomas also received a welcoming hug, which surprised him. Apart from Richard of course, no one had hugged him for ages, he forgot how nice it felt.

"Glowing reports I hope," Thomas said, turning on his charm as he felt himself become more relaxed already.

"Of course!" Marion said, "Please, make yourself comfortable, I'll bring the cake out soon when its had time to cool," Marion said. Thomas sat down on the sofa and briefly wondered if Richard would sit next to him or in a separate armchair, only to be pleased when Richard did sit on the same chair as him. Richard relaxed back into the chair, and took Thomas' hand in his, only for Thomas to quickly snatch it away.

"I'm sorry," Thomas said, remembering that this was a unique occasion where he could hold Richard's hand in front of others, without fear. "This is all quite strange to me. Never really been able to be so open before in front of others. I am confused by this entire situation to be honest. It goes against everything I've taught myself over the years." No one said anything for a few moments, which left Thomas wondering if he had said too much to people he'd only just met.

"Don't worry about it dear," Marion said. "We know the world can be a cruel place, but we love our son, and so anyone who is special to him is welcome. I hope you can feel happy to be yourself here."

"I wish others thought the same way." Thomas said, lost in his memories for a moment. "Makes you good people, Richard is very lucky." Richard took Thomas' hand again, only this time, Thomas didn't let go.

...

While Marion was out in the kitchen, putting the jam and cream filling in the Victoria sponge, Richard and Thomas sat in the living room with John. "So Thomas, I hear you work at Downton Abbey?"

"Yes, I'm the butler there," Thomas said, trying and failing to hold off the pride in his voice.

"I had heard Mr Carson had retired. I had no idea they would hire someone who is a lot younger." John said, taking a sip of his tea. "I mean no offense of course, just that it is unusual to have a butler without grey hair." This sort of comment would normally annoy Thomas, he hated to be underestimated, but he chuckled with Richard as his father did have a point.

"I have worked at Downton since I was fifteen, started as a hallboy, worked my way up over the years."

"Well it's a fine thing to have such determination to better yourself with your career. You seem to have done very well for yourself."

"Well it wasn't without its problems," Thomas said, glancing at Richard who knew something of the scrapes Thomas had gotten into over the years.

"Things fought for never are," John said, looking at his son and Thomas sitting opposite him. "But that makes them even more worth the while."

Marion came to the living room doorway, "Richard, could you help me in the kitchen a moment?"

"Of course," Richard replied, knowing this was his mother's way of wanting a word in private with him.

...

Richard left Thomas happily chatting with his father in the living room, as he joined his mother in the kitchen as she was finishing off decorating the cake. "What is it mum?" Richard said, getting a pile of plates out of the cupboard, before leaning against the worktop. 

"I just wanted to be sure of a few things, though you are your own person, so perhaps it's none of my business," Marion said, slicing the cake down the middle and spreading jam on one of the pieces. "Thomas obviously thinks the world of you, and you of him, but your lives are so far apart, with him living up here and you down in London most of the time. You don't get to see each other much do you? How do you make it work? I'm not trying to cause any problems, I just want you to be happy."

"It's not easy no, since I met him, I've only seen him twice, but both of us want to try and make this work. The situation can never be perfect, even if we lived next door to each other, but we both are determined. Thomas hasn't had anyone special in years, and neither have I, not really. We write to each other all the time, and take every opportunity that is thrown our way. It's all we can do, but it's enough because it has to be." Richard explained, turning away. Both of them were silent for a moment, Marion finished putting the cream on the other side of the cake before sandwiching it together. "I love him mum," Richard said. "It’s as simple as that."

Marion wiped a tear from her eye, one of happiness for her son, but also one of fear, as there are so many people who would turn against them if they found out about her son's relationship. Richard saw this and pulled her into a hug for a moment. "Are you okay mum?"

"Yes dear, I'm glad for you that's all. Just- be careful, be smart about this. Love makes people do stupid things, I don't want you or Thomas taking any unnessisary risks." Richard nodded, he hated having to always watch his back, but knew that he and Thomas would be over if he didn't.

"Now, you take the tray in. I'll bring the teapot through in a moment."

...

"That looks delicious, Mrs Ellis," Thomas said, looking at the cake on the coffee table that Richard had put there a moment before.

"Thank you, Thomas. And you can call me Marion, if you like. I have a feeling we'll be seeing more of you in the future," Thomas, glanced over to Richard, wondering what they had been talking about in the kitchen. Richard took a slice of cake and handed it to Thomas, before taking a slightly bigger one for himself. Thomas smiled to himself, it really was a favourite of his, he thought. Thomas had always had a bit of a sweet tooth, he would pinch pieces of cake off the kitchen table at Downton, when he thought no one was looking, he still did sometimes. But it was funny to see the man next to him happily finishing off the cake, licking his fingers after like a child. He really didn't look like the man who dressed the King of Great Britain at the moment.

Richard noticed Thomas watching him, which he enjoyed. When both his parents and Thomas let out a chuckle, he looked up from the plate, now empty of cake, "what?"

"Just funny watching you that's all." Thomas said, "and you've got a bit of cream right here," Thomas said, indicating by pointing to the tip of his own nose. Richard felt his nose where a large spot of cream was. 

"Oh, thanks" he said, wiping it off with a napkin. "All gone?" Richard asked Thomas.

"Yes, all good," Thomas said, whilst wishing there had been a little left so he could wipe it off for him. Thomas glanced casually up at the clock on the mantelpiece, and then looked back again as he saw the time. "Gosh half past seven, we have to be at Downton for dinner at eight."

"Oh ignore that clock Thomas," John said, "It hasn't worked in years, haven't been able to fix it and I never had the heart to throw it out, it belonged to my grandfather you see."

Thomas thought for a moment, "You mind if I take a look at it? I know a bit about clocks, before everything changed I was being trained by my father, who ran a clock making business. I think it was the idea that I would take over the business one day."

"Of course, you're welcome to try. It's an old clock though, I wouldn't expect it to work," John said, lifting the clock off the mantelpiece and setting it on the table in front of Thomas. Thomas undid the back of the clock to expose the cogs inside and held it up to the light coming in from the window to the side of him.

"Marion, do you have a small pin I could borrow?" Thomas asked

"Yes I should do," Marion replied, reaching for her sewing box.

"Thank you," Thomas said, taking the pin and pushing it behind one of the small cogs in the workings of the clock, before hearing a small click noise. 

"That should do it," Thomas said, handing the pin back to Marion, and winding the clock and adjusting the time, before closing the door on the back. "One of the cogs was slightly out of line with the others, so it couldn't be wound. Should be fine now." 

"Amazing! Thank you Thomas, you clearly have a skill there," John said, putting his clock back on the mantelpiece. Thomas was feeling very good about himself right now, and Richard was looking on with pride. Thomas was indeed a man with many talents.

...

An hour later, Thomas and Richard said their goodbyes and left to catch the bus back to Downton. Thomas was feeling radiant. He felt so welcome there, more than he ever had anywhere really. It was comforting to know that not everyone out there was against men like him and Richard. He only wished that he could have had that same feeling of security when he was a child. He really wanted to thank Richard properly for inviting him, but that would have to wait until later.

"You know Thomas, my father now thinks you are a genius. He has taken that clock to loads of people to have it fixed before and none have succeeded. You really are a very clever man."


	5. 5

Thomas was deep in his thoughts as they made their way back to Downton for the evening. He had a lovely time with Richard and his parents, he found it strange to be amongst other people and not having to hide who he was or how he felt. Fixing that clock made him feel good too, he still had it, he thought smiling to himself. Thoughts of fixing up broken clocks, bought back memories. Those of his childhood and early teenage years when he was being trained up by fixing people's broken or damaged clocks and watches, he remembered spending many happy afternoons tinkering away at his father's work bench, and the satisfaction he got when he managed to fix something. It was the same feeling he had today. But as always when he thought back to those days, he was greeted by the memory of the look on his father's face when he caught him kissing another boy one day. That was when everything changed. The happy childhood and loving family he once had were gone, they no longer wanted him around them. It was tense for months, until one day he had an argument with his father that blew a lot out of proportion and resulted in his own father making threats against him. It was that day he left, determined to make something of himself. He became tougher then, relied on only himself, did anything to get what he wanted, not all of which he is proud of now, but it got him to where he was today. Fate was a funny thing, he thought. If he had never had that pain all those years ago, he would have never met Richard. Thomas looked over at Richard, who was sitting next to him on the bus, for a moment. Thomas was hoping he'd be able to get away a bit over the next few days while Richard was nearby. He was trying to think how he would be able to be alone with him for a while, but couldn't see that happening tonight or any time soon.

It was nearing 8pm when they both made their way up the path towards the yard and the back door at Downton Abbey. It was a sunny evening, a few clouds bubbling up on the horizon, touching the sun and creating a silver glow around them. It reminded Richard of the evening he last spent with Thomas here, it was warmer then as it was the middle of summer and the nights were shorter, but he felt warmed by the memory of it. Of how they talked and how they spent an unforgettable night in some farmer's field. He thought about what he wrote in his most recent letter to Thomas, and hoped that everything could work out to make his plans possible.

"I'll put your coat and hat in my office," Thomas said, as the two men walked in through the back door, the homely smell of chicken stew greeting them. Rchard handed his coat and hat to Thomas, who gave him a look silently asking him to follow him. Closing the office door, Thomas put the coats down on a chair, and pulled Richard into him, "I just wanted to say thank you, for this afternoon. In case I didn't get another chance to see you." 

"I'm sure things will work out, so we can have a little more time alone than this." Richard said, moving in closer.

"Are you? I am surprised I could even get away today. It's the downside of being in charge, I don't get as much free time as I used to."

"Hmm, well I hope you can. You see Thomas, I have a few plans for the next couple of days, involving just you and me." Richard said, kissing Thomas for a moment, before letting his lips hover temptingly close to Thomas', Richard's hand tracing its way down Thomas' back. 

"What are you up to?" Thomas asked, their foreheads now touching. A rattle of the door handle, caused them both to snap out of this moment.

"Oh you're back Mr Barrow, Mr Ellis," Mrs Baxter said. "Mrs Hughes thought she heard you, dinner is almost on the table. I hope you had a good time this afternoon Mr Barrow?"

"It was wonderful thank you, we'll be along in a moment." Thomas said, once again trying to compose himself. The mask he used to wear to hide any hint of what he was thinking or feeling, was useless when he was in Richard's company, he realised that now. "We should go, I shouldn't keep them waiting." Thomas said after Mrs Baxter had left. "Seriously though, Richard. What are you up to? I love a good scheme as much as you but I'd like to know what trouble I'm about to get into before I'm involved?"

As they were about to walk out the door, Richard put his hand on Thomas' hip, before leaning in to whisper in his ear, "Oh but Mr Barrow, that would ruin the surprise." Richard winked at him, walking out the office before Thomas. Thomas closed his eyes momentarily, Richard was teasing him, playing with him. It was driving him into a frenzy, but Thomas liked it. He only hoped he could get through dinner in one piece.


	6. 6

Thomas followed Richard into the servants hall, where everyone else was sitting down waiting for him. As he entered the room they all stood, just as he had done for years when Mr Carson entered the room. He was still trying to get used to that, and the fact that they all waited for him to arrive before they started eating, he found it a little strange if he was honest, but enjoyed it all the same. Thomas noticed that everyone on one side of the table had moved down one seat, meaning that Richard could sit to one side of him. Thomas nodded and everyone sat down again, and the hallboys brought round the plates of delicious smelling chicken stew. It may not have been up to the same standard of food that upstairs would eat, but Thomas preferred it. The smell of chicken stew in a room full of people had a homely, comforting feeling about it.

Richard instantly felt how well these people got on, living and working together. The atmosphere in the room was warm and welcoming, and although the majority of them didn't know him much at all, he felt very at home there. He thought Thomas did too, this was very much his family, since his real family turned him away all those years ago. He imagined Thomas enjoyed everyone standing for him when he walked into the room, but not in a way that would make him too high and mighty. He would like to stick around and see how Thomas has taken to being the butler of such a great house. Back at the palace, they rarely ate all at once, there is far too much to do for that to happen. He had a few friends there and was certainly not unhappy, he was indeed very happy with the job he has and where he works, but Thomas has something special here. The fact that Mrs Hughes invited him to join them all for dinner in the first place, demonstrated that.

Mr Moseley, rushed into the room all of a sudden. "Ever so sorry I'm late Mr Barrow, Mrs Hughes, I had a tower of papers to mark down at the school."

"Don't worry about it Mr Moseley, have a seat." Thomas said, nodding in the direction of a spare place opposite Miss Baxter, who smiled from the other end of the table back at him and Mr Moseley. It was no secret that she liked him, and he her.

"Mr Moseley, used to work here permanently, until he got a position teaching at the village school," Thomas explained to Richard. "He sometimes comes up here in the evenings to join us for dinner."

"So it's not unusual for the Downton staff to have guests at dinner then?" Richard asked.

"Well, we don't go around inviting everyone, usually those with a connection to us, such as having worked here in the past," Thomas said.

"So, am I an exception, Mr Barrow?" Richard smiled.

"I suppose you are, though technically you did work here for a bit," Thomas replied, feeling the heat rise to his face again, his mask he used to hide any emotion in these types of situations, once again useless against Richard's effortless charm. Thomas really had to change the subject quickly, before Richard's flirting became more obvious, despite the fact that he was secretly enjoying it.

"So Mr Ellis, do you visit Yorkshire often?" Mrs Hughes asked, much to Thomas immediate relief.

"My parents live in York, so I come up from London to visit whenever I have some time off. Though as you know, Mr Barrow and I visited them today." Richard replied.

"Are they well?" Mrs Hughes asked.

"They are thank you. My father was most pleased that Mr Barrow was able to fix his clock. It hasn't worked in years and has been in the family for a while."

"Mr Barrow usually fixes them around the house here too, his knowledge comes in very handy indeed," Mrs Hughes said. Richard looked at Thomas who was smiling, and going a little red. Sparing him any more awkwardness, as much as he was enjoying prasing Thomas in front of everyone, Richard changed the subject.

"What do people around here do with their time off, Mrs Hughes?" Richard asked.

"Well we usually only have our half day each week, so there's not much time to do anything too adventurous. Most of us take the time to relax, go to see a movie perhaps, run a few errands for ourselves, and if the weather is fine, go for a walk. Downton does have some excellent countryside. Perhaps not what you are able to do with your time off."

"Well, I do seem to get more free time than you, depending on the circumstances. Though it helps that his majesty has two valets." Richard said. Thomas took a piece of bread from a plate in front of him, before passing it to Richard, their hands briefly touching for a moment. "London does have its charms, though I agree the countryside around Downton is lovely, Thomas showed me around last time I was here." Thomas smiled at this and the memories of that time and took another mouthful of the stew. "I enjoyed walking by the river, very peaceful. Don't really get that in London." Richard smiled, "The agricultural landscape has a certain beauty about it, in particular wheat fields under the light of a full moon." Suddenly, Thomas started choking on his mouthful of chicken stew, his face going red as he reached for a glass of water, whilst everyone at the table turning to look at him, before he excused himself and darting from the room in a manner very uncharacteristic of the butler of Downton Abbey.

"What was that all about?" Mrs Hughes said. Anna and John Bates exchanged a few glances, remembering how they met Mr Barrow and Mr Ellis whilst walking up to the back door, and how each of them looked very disheveled. They both tried to hold back their laughter. They could guess why Thomas Barrow choked at that exact moment. Richard realised how he had said too much, he was wondering if he should go after Thomas, but thought better of it.

...

Thomas looked up at himself in the mirror after splashing his face with water in the basin in the bathroom. This was ridiculous, he thought. He was ridiculous, since when did he lose control of himself like that? Years and years of training himself to hide everything behind a carefully constructed mask so that no one could use his weaknesses against him, but all this was useless this evening. Richard did something to him that he couldn't explain. He knew Richard liked a joke, liked to tease. It is why they bonded so well in the first place, but he was so much better at it. But was he doing this, tonight, on purpose? Or was it just an innocent slip of the tongue? After all, Thomas had to admit, when Richard mentioned their time out on the Downton estate last time, thoughts of their time together in that field at night came into his mind, before he specifically mentioned the wheat field. Was there really any harm done? It was just the two of them after all that night. No one else could possibly know for sure. Thomas, sighed and threw the towel he used to dry his face, down onto the side of the bath. Oh, but they could guess. And this will be the topic of conversation for some time now. But the really frustrating thing is, that despite everything, he couldn't be angry at Richard. Just like it had been with Jimmy before, he couldn't be angry at him for anything. Thomas turned and looked back at himself in the mirror again. Dinner will be over soon, he should go back down or else someone might come looking for him. He straightened himself up and put his face of indifference on again, and made his way back downstairs.

...

"He'll come back down eventually. He doesn't like to draw too much attention to himself usually, give him time." Anna said to Richard, who was looking a little concerned but trying to hide it. Richard decided to take advantage of Thomas' absence from the room to try and arrange his plan for them both for the next few days. 

"Does Mr Barrow get much time off?" Richard asked

"He does get the time, but he hasn't taken it for a while. I think the last time he did was when you last visited. Mr Carson was the same, he was so focused on his job he didn't take much time for himself. Now that he has that time, sometimes I don't think he knows what to do with it all." Mrs Hughes answered.

"Do you reckon he'd come back again if he was asked? Only for a few days of course," Richard asked.

"I know he'd jump at the chance, he doesn't say so, but I know he misses working here. It's why he was so pleased to be asked last time."

"If Mr Barrow was to take a few days off from tomorrow, Mr Carson would cover his absence?"

"I think he would yes Mr Ellis, but the last time Mr Carson took over from Mr Barrow it didn't go down very well. Mr Barrow is a proud man, he doesn't like to think someone else is preferred over him."

"I think he would be fine with it, when he hears my plans," Richard said.

"And what would those plans be? Nothing to get him into trouble I hope," Mrs Hughes asked, with a hint of suspicion.

"No of course not. Just that the last time we were together, Mr Barrow mentioned how he'd like to see more of London. He showed me around here so well last time, I thought I could return the favour, since I know London well. Besides, I think Mr Barrow could do with some time off, maybe he is overworked?"

"I don't see what harm it could do Mrs Hughes, stress from work can get to a man," Mr Bates said.

"Well, I would have to clear it with Lady Mary first. I'll have a word with her and let you know before you leave. Shouldn't you let Mr Barrow in on your plan first?"

"I would be grateful if you could say nothing for now. I'd like it to be a surprise," Richard said.

...

After Mrs Hughes had gone upstairs to see if she could talk to Lady Mary about Thomas' time off, Thomas came back into the servants hall, looking a little more composed than before. "Were you talking about me?" he said.

"Only talking about how we thought you could do with some time off, and that it would be good for you to arrange it at some point." Richard said, telling a bit of a white lie.

"I'm perfectly capable of knowing when to stop you know," Thomas snapped, instantly regretting the way he said that. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that." Thomas was about to say more, but at that moment Mrs Hughes came back into the room, as the plates from dinner were being cleared away and nodded in the direction of Richard, who smiled back.

"What?" Thomas asked, looking confused.

"Mr Barrow, I should be heading back soon, before I miss the last bus and have to spend the night here," Richard said. Thomas thought that didn't sound like such a bad idea, but said nothing. "I left my coat in your office?"

"Yes, I'll see you out," Thomas said.

Out in the yard, Thomas shut the door behind him, it was dark now, which gave the two men a small amount of privacy. "What are you trying to do to me Richard?" Richard blinked. "You teasing me in private is fine, I quite enjoy it, but in front of every member of the downstairs staff is another thing entirely."

"I don't know what you mean."

"Oh, of course you do!" Thomas said, trying not to raise his voice too much in fear of being overheard. "You talking about our time out I suppose was fine, but mentioning wheat fields under a full moon, that raised eyebrows. I don't want to be the topic of gossip Richard. They may not have known what happened between us, but people can draw conclusions from the smallest of details, believe me."

"Thomas, you are surrounded by good people here. Some who I believe support you and others who just won't say anything, even if they did know I don't think you've anything to fear," Richard said, trying to calm Thomas down.

"Maybe, but if one of them was overheard talking by the wrong person, it could be the end of me, you too." Richard sighed, and closed his eyes for a moment. 

"I'm sorry Thomas, I just want to talk about you to everyone. It is so hard to stop myself sometimes, even though I know we must. You're right, forgive me?"

Taking a glance around to make sure no one was there, Thomas stepped closer to Richard, putting his arms around his waist. "I find it impossible to control myself around you, and impossible to be angry at you for long."

"I have the same problem," Richard took a deep breath, "and I know why. It's because I love you Thomas."

Stood in Richard's embrace, Thomas froze as the words sunk slowly into his mind. "What?"

Richard laughed, "You didn't hear me?"

"No no, I heard you. I just- I love you too." The moon shines out from behind the clouds as Richard and Thomas kissed each other deeply, each of them radiating with a new sense of happiness. 

"What is it with us and the moon?" Richard said, pulling away a moment and looking up at the sky. 

"Do you have to go now?" Thomas asked.

"I do, but I'll see you tomorrow and the next day." Thomas once again looked confused. "I asked Mrs Hughes if we could arrange some time off for you in the next few days from tomorrow. She let me know earlier and it's all arranged, Lady Mary is happy for Mr Carson to cover for you for a few days."

"I'm sure she is. She was last time too." Thomas said, rolling his eyes.

"I'm sure you won't object to him taking over for a few days while you're away with me in London."

"You're kidding?" Thomas said, smiling.

"I said last time I was here that I'd like to show you my world. Well that's what I came here to ask you, Thomas. If you would accompany me to London for a few days, and let me show you around?"

"Of course I would! But how would it work, we couldn't stay in the same place surely?"

"Oh that's all arranged too. I have a friend who has a spare room at her place. I asked her a while back if we could stay with her for a few days."

"But won't she mind us sharing a room?" Thomas asked.

"Shouldn't think so, as long as you don't mind her girlfriend being around sometimes."

"Oh," Thomas said surprised for a moment, "No of course not."

"Brilliant, we have a train at eight tomorrow morning. I'll meet you at the station?"

"You mean you arranged everything before even knowing I could come with you?"

"Oh I was confident my plans would work out Mr Barrow." Richard said, as he and Thomas embraced in the dark under the moon again.

...

Anna Bates, fetched her coat as she waited near the back door to walk back to the cottage with John. She thought she heard voices as she opened the back door slightly. What she saw made her gasp. Thomas and Mr Ellis stood close together, entwined as though they were one, enveloped in a passionate kiss, the light from the moon casting a soft glow on the ground behind them. She stayed still, as if any movement might ruin the moment. Although it was not what she was used to seeing, she understood now. Two people in love, away from all the laws of the land and society, it was as simple as that. She wouldn't say anything, she knew what kind of trouble this scene before her could cause for them both if it was seen by the wrong person. She couldn't ever know what Thomas must fear every day, but she knew how she would feel if the law decided that it was illegal for her to love her husband. She closed the door again silently and decided to delay their departure home for a little longer.


	7. 7

Thomas met Richard at the train station early the next morning. Thomas had managed to get a lift down from Downton to the station, which was lucky as he was late in leaving. Being a butler meant he was usually rather punctual, but he had been so distracted by his thoughts the night before that he had overslept. The sun was warm and brightening the sky with a crisp blue colour, keeping Thomas' spirits high as he saw Richard waiting for him, leaning against the wall of the station building on the platform, his head tilted upwards, eyes closed.

Richard, was enjoying the peace that the morning spent in rural Yorkshire between trains arriving and departing. There was only the background mutterings of fellow passengers waiting on the platform or inside the building behind him, as well as the sounds of pigeons cooing to each other on the roof above him. He smiled to himself, that never changed. Wherever you go, town or countryside, there were always pigeons. He opened his eyes and turned his head, at the sound of familiar footsteps approaching.

"Good morning Mr Barrow," Richard said, extending his hand in greeting. He wanted to kiss him instead, but they would have to keep any romance at bay, for now at least.

"Mr Ellis," Thomas replied, shaking his hand, holding it a touch longer than necessary, but not so long that anyone would notice if they were watching. Chances are no one was watching them, Thomas thought. But a lifetime of watching his own back, had made him cautious.

"My friend Isabella will meet us at Notting Hill Gate underground station when we arrive, she's looking forward to meeting you, she's heard a lot about you."

"Good things I hope?"

"Off course, I gave her a glowing report, I assure you," Richard replied, a grin on his face. "So everything worked out well with Mr Carson covering for you I imagine?"

"Yes, they seemed pleased to see him back. I just hope they don't decide they like him more than me," Thomas said, only half joking.

"From what I experienced last night, they all love you Mr Barrow. You have their friendship as well as their respect, which makes you a good leader." Thomas smiled at that, thinking if Richard had known him a decade earlier, when he was mostly disliked by everyone, things may have been different. He quickly decided that he was glad their paths had crossed when they did, or else Richard may not have loved him.

...

Their train steamed through the English countryside on the way down to London, Richard sat opposite Thomas, the morning sun warming both their faces. The train was moderately full of passengers, but not so full that they had any strangers sitting next to them. They couldn't talk freely anyway, of course, but at least they could have some conversation without being directly overheard. "So how long have you known Isabella?" Thomas asked.

Richard put down his paper. "Most of my life, we were friends at school, she's from York too, originally. We pretty much grew up together, she’s the closest person to a sister I ever had. As we got older, everyone thought we would be married one day. That didn't work out though as it turned out, she was a lot more like me than I knew. That reason was why she moved to London, unlike my parents, her parents didn't get it. Her career also was very important to her, she's a writer in London now, and all her parents wanted was for her to settle down."

Thomas nodded, understanding what Richard was saying. "She sounds like an amazing person, not easy to take your future into your own hands, when everyone else wants you to be someone else."

Richard nodded, whilst biting into his sandwich. They had chosen to eat an early lunch on the train to save time when they arrive in London. "I think you'll like her. Her place is in Notting Hill, not far from Hyde Park and Kensington Gardens, the weather should be fine, so we could explore a little."

"Sounds perfect," Thomas said. "Though, am I allowed any idea as to what you have planned?"

"A memorable few days," Richard said, smiling and giving nothing else away. Clearly, he was gonna find nothing out, until the moment it happened, Thomas thought.

...

They arrived at London Paddington just before noon. Thomas had been to London several times before with the family when they stayed in London, but was always so busy making sure everything ran smoothly, that he never really took notice of his surroundings. For a man who was used to the quietness of the countryside and small villages, Paddington station seemed huge. There was so much noise from the trains and bustle of hundreds of people all underneath the glass roof, that made the station seem like a huge greenhouse. It was definitely a change, Thomas did enjoy an adventure though. He let Richard lead the way along the platform and through the crowds of people to the tunnels that led to Paddington underground station. This was new to him, he'd never travelled on the underground before, and was busy making sure he didn't lose Richard in the crowds, as well as trying to look like he belonged there.

"You alright?" Richard asked, as they stood waiting for the train. 

"Yeah, I'm fine, not used to all this. Don't know how you can know exactly where to go, it's a maze down here,"

Richard laughed, causing Thomas to smile in spite of himself, he loved Richard's laugh, "Experience, Mr Barrow. Believe me, when I first arrived here from York all those years ago, I was confused as you are. Though luckily you have me to guide you." They stopped talking as their train arrived, it was only a short journey apparently, of which Thomas was glad. It was lunchtime rush hour, so it was standing room only, and due to the lack of fresh air, it was very warm. Thomas soon didn't mind too much though, when he and Richard were pushed by the crowd up against each other. It was silly, but this was probably the only time they could get away with being so close in public and no one thinking anything of it.

They soon arrived at Notting Hill Gate and were greeted at the top of the station by a smartly dressed woman in a bright red hat, who smiled as she saw them coming, before giving Richard a big hug. "Richard, you made it then."

"Good to see you Izzie, hope we didn't keep you waiting here too long."

"No of course not," she said, turning her attention to Thomas. "Thomas Barrow, I'm very pleased to finally meet you. I hear of no one else," Izzie said, looking Thomas up and down. "Hmm, and I can see why, Richard you've done well here." Thomas found himself once again unable to think of anything to say.

"We should get going, got a lot to be doing," Richard said.

"I thought you said she was like us?" Thomas asked Richard quietly, when Izzie was a few steps ahead.

"She is, but that doesn't mean she can't appreciate a handsome looking man when she sees one." Richard whispered back.


	8. 8

It was only a short walk from Notting Hill station to Izzie's house. It was small, as most places in London were, but homely. They walked straight into her living room, which was next to a kitchen that was obviously a lot smaller than what Thomas was used to, but had many more modern appliances than the kitchens at Downton, which had changed very little over time Thomas had been there. There were a few bedrooms upstairs, more than Izzie needed, Thomas guessed, as she showed Richard and him to their room. Thomas liked the thought of sharing, for many reasons. He had always had a room of his own at Downton, it seemed to be the way he, and the others preferred it. He never minded his own company, but years and years of only that had made him wish for more; for somebody else. The room was laid out well. Apart from the size, Thomas thought it had similarities to one of the guest rooms at Downton. There was a lovely big double four poster bed, a dresser over near the window, which had a large vase of flowers on the sill. There was a table where Thomas was surprised to see a bottle of wine and two glasses. He smiled at the thought when his instincts told him to check the quality of the brand, just as he did all the time back at Downton. As butler, a knowledge of wines came with the job.

"What do you think?" Izzie asked, when Thomas said nothing.

"I didn't expect everything to be so fine. You really didn't need to go to all this trouble," Thomas said

"Well, I'm glad to. Richard obviously wants to spoil you," Izzie said, glancing in Richard's direction. Richard smiled in agreement. "Besides, I have been thinking about opening this place up as a B&B or guesthouse sometimes. Writing is a passion more than a job for me, the articles I write for several papers pay, but not enough really. This will all be good practice, if I go ahead with that."

"If you don't mind me asking, how come you have so many rooms if it's just you?" Thomas asked.

"I guess the people you two work for have many rooms they never use." Izzie said jokingly. Thomas was gonna have to get used to her forwardness. Richard, who obviously was used to it, sniggered. "I inherited it, not from my parents. They are both still alive and I doubt they'd leave me a penny anyway," Izzie said, a touch of bitterness in her tone of voice that Thomas understood from his own experiences. He'd doubt his family would ever leave him anything either. "No, I was good friends with a chap who worked in newspapers when I arrived in London. He sadly was killed in the war, but he left me this house and all the contents, including a beautiful writing desk I have in my room." Izzie laughed at a memory, "Total surprise or maybe a shock, when I received that letter in the post. Anyway, I'll leave you two to settle in, we'll have some tea downstairs in a moment."

"That would be lovely thank you," Thomas said, meaning every word. Despite the fact that train travel involves you having to do nothing but sit still for hours, he was feeling tired. He slowly walked over to the bed, placing his case on the floor next to it and sat down for a moment, appreciating the softness of a good quality mattress. It was something he really wasn't used to. Even though being the butler means he gets a much nicer room to what he has had for decades at Downton, even that was nothing on what this felt like. Quite simply, he could get used to this.

Richard took off his jacket and hung it on the back of the door, before walking over and sitting next to Thomas on the bed. "You okay? This isn't too much?" Richard asked.

"No, it's wonderful Richard. It just feels like a dream still, like I'm not really here," Thomas said truefully.

"Hmm, well we can't have that," Richard said, moving closer to Thomas. "Would you like me to remind you that it is not a dream?"

"You could do," Thomas said, shuffling round to face Richard. Richard leaned over and slowly removed Thomas' jacket from him, whilst kissing him. Thomas felt his heart rate increase as he kissed Richard back, and then breathed in sharply as Richard moved away from Thomas' lips and onto his neck, loosening the first few buttons of his shirt. Thomas wrapped his arms around Richard's back, and pulled Richard down on top of him, enjoying the weight of Richard pressing down onto him. In between kisses that were becoming deeper and more frequent, Thomas said, "Hmm, this isn't fair." Richard gave him a quizzical look for a moment, before Thomas grabbed hold of Richard, around his lower back again, before rolling them both to the left so now he was on top of Richard instead. "Better," Thomas said, "Last time you were on top."

"You remember last time?" Richard asked, playfully. Thomas propping himself up with his hands for a moment, looking down at Richard.

"Mmm, I do. I remember what you did," Thomas said, before adding, "What I'd like to do to you." Thomas collapsed down onto Richard, the two of them savouring each other's kisses, Thomas undoing the buttons at the top of Richard's shirt with one hand, whilst the other hand was in Richard's hair. The two of them were so caught up in each other that they didn't hear Izzie's footsteps on the stairs, even though they hadn't got round to shutting the bedroom door.

"Oh gosh, sorry!" Izzie exclaimed, as she walked in, immediately thinking after that she should have knocked, seeing her two guests well and truly tangled up in each other. Thomas looked up shocked and then remembering that she was a like minded friend, felt himself go red, whilst Richard just laughed.

"Sorry, Izzie, we were coming down for tea, just got a little distracted beforehand," Richard said, glancing at Thomas.

"Yes I can see that," Izzie giggled, "I thought about bringing tea up to you both."

"It's okay, we'll be there in a minute," Richard said. Izzie then left, closing the door, not bothering to hide her laugh as she went back downstairs.

Richard continued to laugh, looking at Thomas, "What?" Thomas said.

"Oh nothing, just your face when she walked in."

"Any time I've been interrupted before, it hasn’t turned out well. This is all taking quite a bit of getting used to."

"Well, are you convinced you are not in some sort of dream now, Mr Barrow?"

"Very much so. Though we really should stop getting interrupted. We must pick up where we left off later." Thomas said.

"I absolutely agree, Mr Barrow," Richard replied.

Thomas sighed, "Are you doing that on purpose?"

"What?"

"Calling me Mr Barrow," Thomas said.

"It's your name isn't it?" Richard replied innocently.

"Yes, but not when we are alone together," Thomas said. "You have any idea what that does to me?"

"Not a clue, Mr Barrow," Richard said smiling. "You will have to show me sometime." Thomas rolled his eyes at Richard's playfulness and grabbed his jacket that had somehow found its way to the other side of the bedroom.


	9. 9

Thomas, Richard and Izzie all spent a few hours sat in Izzie's living room chatting over tea and biscuits. It had taken a while but Thomas was finally getting used to being in this unusual, but welcoming environment, which he found enjoying more by the moment. After a while, Izzie suggested that they all went for a walk, it being a pleasant day outside. 

They decided to go for a walk through Kensington Gardens, since Izzie's house wasn't too far away. It was a lot larger than Thomas had expected, they didn't have any particular route or destination in mind, they just walked where their feet carried them. Thomas put his hands in his pockets, relaxing as he took in the surprisingly clean smelling air, not something he was used to from some of his previous London visits, Richard walking next to him, though at an acceptable distance so people would not look twice, and Izzie on the far side of Richard. The grass was a rich green around them, especially underneath the trees, with the sound of geese in the distance. "So do you prefer Isabella or Izzie?" Thomas asked.

"Oh always Izzie, I never really thought Isabella suited me, sounds too posh. My parents probably thought that it would be a good name for someone who could marry a man with a fortune. But that was their dream not mine, there is so much more to life than pleasing one's family." Thomas smiled, he could see why she and Richard were good friends.

"They weren't always so bothered about you marrying a man of fortune from what I remember though," Richard said.

Izzie laughed, "No I suppose there was one time." Thomas, wanted to know what secret memory she and Richard were sharing. "My parents knew I was good friends with Richard, and put two and two together and decided that we must be courting. They kept on encouraging us to go out together." Izzie laughed.

"Did you?" Thomas asked.

"We did once, but only to please them, we went to the cinema one evening, but we went and came back as friends, nothing more." Richard explained, sensing Thomas trying to hide his confusion or jealousy.

"I never even kissed you did I?" Izzie said. "I am sure though that Richard is a fine kisser," She said, after waiting for a group of people to walk past them out of earshot.

This was not the type of conversation Thomas was used to having in the open, or anywhere for that matter, but found himself getting into it, "He is." Richard smiled at that.

***

They found themselves around an hour later, after stopping at Round Pond outside Kensington Palace, at the Albert Memorial. Thomas had never seen anything like it. A huge ornate gold statue of the late Prince Albert, gleaming in the afternoon sun, made up of a thousand points of detail, impossible to take in all at once. "Queen Victoria commissioned this in memory of her husband Prince Albert after he died," Izzie said, looking up at the huge golden statue along with Richard and Thomas.

"She loved him so dearly, she wanted the rest of the world to see what she saw, and to remember him," Richard said softly. Thomas looked across at him, smiling at hearing Richard's romantic side.

"She couldn't let him go. So she built a statue of gold, because gold is immortal," Thomas replied, surprised at the words that came out of his mouth. Maybe he was becoming a bit of a romantic too.


	10. 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for discussion about/description of suicide attempt later on in this chapter.

After their afternoon walk, Thomas, Richard and Izzie, returned home where they all helped to prepare their evening meal. Richard and Izzie did most of the actual cooking. Thomas was always better at eating than cooking. He only ever helped out in the kitchen at Downton when they were all roped in to help when they were extremely busy, such as at Christmas. It was not one of his talents, but he'd lived in a place where every meal he ate was prepared by someone else so he'd never really had a reason to learn. Thomas though, selected the best wine he could find in the pantry and set the table, which made Richard laugh when he pointed out that Thomas wasn't laying the table for the king and queen. It was a habit, Thomas thought, making sure everything was perfect down to the smallest detail.

"You are very talented cooks, both of you," Thomas said, after finishing off the last part of the chicken from his plate.

"Thank you, but I don't usually cook like this, it was another part of Richard's plan for these days in London."

Richard smiled, wiping his mouth with a napkin, "I wonder if it beats Mrs Patmore's cooking?" he asked Thomas.

"It may do, but don't ever tell her I said that!" Thomas replied.

"No of course! Never tell a cook someone else cooks better than they do," Richard said, causing the three of them to laugh.

...

Later on, after they had finished off dinner and a couple of bottles of wine between them, Thomas and Richard went upstairs to their room, the sun having now set over London. Thomas took off his jacket and threw it onto the bed and then collapsed into an armchair near the window. "You tired?" Richard asked.

"It's surprising how sitting, eating and enjoying yourself can make you so tired," Thomas said.

"Perhaps you need to relax after such an evening," Richard said smoothly, after sitting on the arm of Thomas' chair, kissing the top of Thomas' head. Thomas leaned into Richard for a moment, breathing him in. "I could help you relax," Richard said, his hand slowly making its way down across Thomas' shoulder and towards the top buttons of his shirt. Richard had a plan. He was planning on taking this slow, but Thomas had other ideas. Thomas suddenly grabbed the collar of Richard's shirt, pulling him down towards him so that he could kiss him properly, causing Richard to almost fall awkwardly onto Thomas and into the chair he was sitting in. Richard found himself sitting on Thomas' lap, whilst Thomas was making quick work of removing Richard's shirt from his back, whilst kissing him and showing him no mercy. Now both shirtless, Thomas gave Richard a slight shove, causing Richard to get off Thomas and stand up, pulling Thomas up with him. Richard's plan wasn't going where he wanted it to go. So when Thomas was facing him, he suddenly took hold of him and flipped him round so that now Thomas had his back to him. Richard pulled Thomas close to him from behind, his left arm around his lower chest, whilst his right hand made its way to the front of Thomas' trousers. Richard's hot breath in Thomas' ear was giving him pleasant shivers. Richard stopped momentarily, "I have a plan Thomas, to give us both a relaxing evening, could you give me a moment to run us both a bath?"

The pleasant almost euphoric feeling Thomas had been having in those moments before, suddenly disappeared. It was replaced by a feeling of fear and shame that he had tried to keep hidden in the deepest parts of him ever since a few years ago. He tried to hold it back, but he couldn't. Jumping from Richard's embrace, Thomas said "I'm sorry. I can't do this." Richard felt like a train had hit him, being so suddenly thrown out of their moment like that.

"What's the matter?" Richard asked, feeling extremely concerned.

"I can't," Thomas said, not knowing how to explain his sudden outburst, before pulling on his shirt and walking out the door.

...

Izzie was sitting downstairs when she heard the door to her spare room slam, followed by rushed, heavy footsteps coming downstairs. Thomas came downstairs shirt buttons only half done up, hair ruffled out of place, as he marched straight past the door to the living room and towards the front door. This wasn't right, she thought as she got up and went after him. Hoping nothing had happened that couldn't be fixed.

Thomas practically threw himself out of the front door, and out into the cool evening air. He wasn't angry at Richard, he was angry at himself that his stupid mistake a few years ago was still controlling him. He knew Richard had no idea what had caused a perfect evening to go so horribly wrong, he wanted to tell him. He'd been wanting to tell him since they met, it was the hardest thing to talk about for him. He didn't know what to do now, so just sat down where he stood, on the top of about five steps that led to the front door of Izzie's house. Only a moment after he sat down, the door behind him opened again and Izzie stepped tentatively outside, shutting it behind her. "If you want to be left alone, I understand. I'll leave, but I'd like to know what's wrong, to help if I am able," she said. Thomas nodded, which she took as an indication that her company was not unwelcome, and sat down next to Thomas on the step. "Has Richard done something to upset you?" she asked. She thought it unlikely, she could see that Thomas and Richard are made for each other, but even the most perfect of couples fall out.

"No, nothing. He did nothing wrong. He was perfect," Thomas said quickly, before putting his head in his hands and sighing for a moment, before sitting up again. "It was me, something he suggested earlier that should have been wonderful, but it bought back some memories of something very stupid I did to myself a few years ago. I felt the fear all over again, I just couldn't," Thomas put his head in his hands again, he didn't think he was explaining himself very well.” Izzie put her arm around him. She didn't know exactly what he was saying but she had a rough idea, which brought a lump to her throat thinking about it. She had seen the scars when Thomas had leaned over the table at dinner to reach for the salt, but she said nothing.

"Does Richard know?" Izzie said. Thomas thought for a moment if she and him were talking about the same thing as he hadn't actually explicitly said what he was scared of, but somehow she seemed to know.

"No, I don't talk about that day to anyone really. I try to forget it ever happened, but the evidence is still there. On me and in my mind. I'm ashamed of it, to be honest, I don't want him to think any less of me."

"It's your decision, of course. But I would tell him if you can. He cares about you too much to think any less of you, and besides he's had his own demons. Every person on this planet does, there is no shame in not being perfect or being afraid. It's what makes us human." They sat there in silence for a while, Izzie saying nothing seeing Thomas deep in his own thoughts. 

Thomas stood up suddenly, "Thank you Izzie, I think I'll go in now."

"I could make you a drink of something downstairs if you don't want to go up straight away?" Izzie asked, standing up also.

"No, I think I should go up now. I have to explain things."

...

Thomas stood at the bedroom door for a minute before turning the handle and entering the room, shutting the door quietly behind him. Richard was sitting on the side of the bed, shirt on but buttons undone, looking hopelessly at the floor. Hearing Thomas come in he looked over, stood up and came over to him. "Thomas if I did anything at all or said anything to hurt you, then I'm sorry and I'll do everything in my power to fix it, I promise." Richard stood in front of Thomas, the two men still a good arms distance away from each other, as if going to close would break the other. 

"It was nothing you did Richard, I promise you that. You were being perfect tonight, you've always been perfect. It was me, I've been keeping something from you that I've been afraid to tell you, or anyone really. I was worried you'd think less of me." Thomas walked over to the dresser and poured himself a drink, before pouring a glass for Richard too. He sat on the edge of the bed and downed his in one. He wasn't the sort of person who drank a lot, but at the moment welcomed the distraction it provided. Richard sat down next to him, a little closer than they were standing before. "I did something a few years ago that has given me a fear of being in a bath. I can't do it anymore, I get a fear inside me that causes me to feel like I am drowning, falling. I don't know, it's hard to explain." Thomas took a deep breath before continuing. "I told you before about how I'd had my job threatened, everything I'd known for fifteen years to be taken from me like it was nothing. I was trying to find another job but nothing was suitable and I felt more and more pressure from certain people around me. It felt like they wanted me gone, and out of their way. My job at Downton was the only thing that was holding me together. It was my focus, it kept me sane. Because, everyone around me had everything they wanted, like a partner and a family. I was always on my own. I got to a point where I couldn't see the future or the point of going on, so I gave up on trying." Thomas stopped, trying to think of how to continue this. He decided he had to be completely honest, no dressing up the words to make it sound better than it was. "I ran myself a bath, locked the bathroom door and cut my wrists with a razor blade in the bath." Thomas said quickly, blurting out the words. He could hear Richard take a sharp breath in, next to him. "They found me in time, saved me. I think if they had got there a few minutes later I would have been gone." Thomas looked up towards the moon that was now shining through the bedroom window. "Since then, I haven't been able to have a bath. It brings back the fear whenever I think about it. I just panic. I will always carry the scars, I'll never be able to just forget." Thomas said, as he undid the cuffs of his shirt sleeves and rolled them both up a little, to reveal the scars on the inside of both of his wrists. "I understand if this is too much for you, and if you want to take some time apart. I'm ashamed that I never told you before, because I've always wanted to be honest with you." Richard stared out the window for a moment, before finishing his glass of wine. He then surprised Thomas by taking one of his wrists in his hand and kissing it, holding Thomas' hand and wrist to his face for a moment, a single tear falling onto Thomas' wrist.

"I love you Thomas. We all have secrets we can't tell, even those who are closest to us. But you know what- I am proud of you for telling me. You are brave and I love you for it." Richard didn't let go of Thomas' hand, as he waited for Thomas to say something. Thomas just shuffled over on the bed, and pulled himself and Richard into a deep embrace. 

Richard kissed the side of Thomas' head, "Just promise me that you will never try that again, and if you find yourself in that situation, that you tell me or Izzie or any of your friends at Downton, instead of being alone. I can't lose you."

"I promise," Thomas whispered.

"I will never mention baths again," Richard said. "Though I hope you've got alternative washing arrangements Thomas, we couldn't have Downton's best butler smelling like a pig sty!" Thomas let out a little laugh at that, finding himself relaxing again. "For the record, you smell devine Thomas." Richard said. "What do you want to do now?"

"Just sleep, next to you." Thomas said, as both of them lay back on the bed next to each other, Richard holding Thomas close. Richard was about to say something more, but noticed that Thomas had shut his eyes already. He smiled, kissed him lightly on the head and closed his eyes also.


	11. 11

Richard woke in bed cuddled up to Thomas, the sun warming his face as it glinted in through the window. With everything that happened last night, they had forgotten to draw the curtains. Thomas had stayed sound asleep all night, Richard managed to maneuver him, without waking him, so that they could both get under the covers. Richard just lay there, on his side for several minutes, watching Thomas, who was facing him, sleeping. He is so handsome, Richard thought. The image of a man, most women would go crazy over. Even when he was all ruffled, through several hours of deep sleep, Richard thought how good he looked. He almost likes him better this way, with his hair coming all loose from its usual neat and controlled arrangement. A few strands had flopped over his forehead, brushing just above his closed eyelids. Richard couldn't resist brushing them off, gently moving them back, so that they were away from Thomas' closed eyes. To think that such a man was so unhappy that he had almost ended it all, made Richard even more determined to make Thomas' time with him now, and in the future, as perfect as it could be.

"Richard, don't stop," Richard heard Thomas say in a muffled voice all of a sudden. Richard was about to answer, but could see Thomas still had his eyes closed, he smiled because Thomas was talking about him in his sleep, or in that state between sleep and being awake where everything is a bit muddled. Richard wasn't sure which. Thomas opened his eyes, blinking a few times, before realising where he was and who he was with, confirming to Richard that it was the latter. Richard leant over, closing the already small gap between them, and kissed Thomas gently.

"Morning" Richard said, "looks like you slept like a baby. How are you feeling?"

Thomas, yawned and stretched a moment, not used to waking up without an alarm clock, and in such a relaxed frame of mind. He hadn't felt this rested in a very long time. Along with waking to Richard , stroking his forehead and kissing him, it was something he really could get used too. "I'm feeling good," Thomas said simply, before adding "very well rested."

Richard smiled, "That's great, because we need to get moving soon. I have plans for today- all to your benefit off course."

Thomas moaned, "I was hoping we could just lie here for a few hours. What time is it?"

"Almost 7am" Richard answered, looking at the clock on the bedside table.

Thomas moaned again, collapsing back into the pillows. "That's only an hour later than I normally have to get up!"

"Oh don't be so grumpy, I promise you, it will be worth your while. Come on!" Richard said, suddenly grabbing the duvet and pulling it away from Thomas, who immediately grabbed it and pulled it back over him. Richard laughed again, rolling his eyes at Thomas, before taking his shirt off and walking over to his bag to get a fresh one. This seemed to get Thomas' attention, who finally sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes and watching Richard wandering around their room shirtless. Richard smiled to himself as he went into the bathroom. 'I reckoned that would work', he thought.

...

A few hours later after Thomas had finally got out of bed and the two of them had finished a very lovely breakfast, Richard and Thomas made their way to Notting Hill Gate underground station once again. Thomas still had no idea where Richard was taking him, or why. He was insisting on keeping it a surprise. It was around rush hour, so the train station was very crowded, as was the train they finally managed to get on, after being stuck in the crowds for a while. It was another thing Thomas was having to get used to during his time in London. Crowds were pretty much non-existent back home. "It's not a long journey," Richard said to Thomas loudly as they were standing on the train leaving the station. "Just a few stops, and a short walk. No trying to guess where we are going."

"Wouldn't be able to guess, even if I wanted to," Thomas replied, "I feel like a fish out of water here."

"You'll be fine, you have me to guide you," Richard said

"Hmm, that you do," Thomas replied.

Around twenty minutes later they arrived at Marble Arch station, least that's what the sign said as they got off the train. How people managed to find their way around this underground maze everyday was beyond him, Thomas thought. They finally made it up into the relatively cleaner air outside the station and above ground. Richard knew exactly where he was going, unknown to Thomas he had been this way many times before. They crossed several side roads, and Thomas wondered if he and Richard had the same idea as to what a 'short walk' actually meant. After crossing yet another road Thomas asked, "Seriously, Richard where are we going?"

Richard smiled, "We are here now." Thomas turned and looked at the sign on the wall behind him that read 'Selfridge and Co Limited'.

"What do you mean? You serious?" Thomas asked, wondering if he had misinterpreted something, looking at the sign and then back at Richard and then upwards to the massive, grand building in front of him, that he hadn't paid much attention too, until now. Richard just nodded and smiled. "You are taking me here? Are you having me on?" Thomas' heart was racing now with excitement. This was insane, he thought.

"No, I said I wanted to spoil you, and what better place than Selfridges to do so," Richard said.

"There is no way I can afford anything in there, I'd feel odd even being there. It's the sort of place Lady Mary might shop, in fact I think she has been here a few times before."

"Thomas, I am treating you to this. You're not paying for a thing. And just follow my lead. I've shopped here before, on behalf of his Majesty a few times." Richard said, enjoying watching Thomas taking all this in.

"Richard, how can you afford this?" Thomas asked. "I don't want you to spend money you don't have on me."

"I have a decent amount put away, plus my parents gave me something for this occasion anyway. I told them my plan and they wanted to help. I do have a budget off course, but within reason, what you get is your choice."

Satisfied that he wasn't taking advantage of Richard, Thomas nodded and the two of them walked along the street towards the store's main entrance. They took their time as they both were enchanted by the amazing window displays they kept passing, each more colourful and eye catching than the last. Thomas felt like he was a world away, he looked at Richard. Thomas really couldn't believe his luck, in more ways than one. They walked through the glass revolving doors and inside. Thomas gasped and tried not to look like an amazed child, as he took it all in for a while. It was unlike any shop he had ever seen. For one thing it was huge, ceilings higher than even those at Downton, beautiful decorations of flowers in keeping with a theme, which he guessed straight away was spring. In front of them both stood a wealth of choice of everything anyone could ever wish for, and things you didn't know you wished for until you saw them. Gleaming glass countertops, where you could buy everything from the latest perfumes and fragrances, to hats and jewelry. "You alright?" Richard laughed.

"Yes I think so. This is amazing. This place..." Thomas didn't finish his sentence, as he knew exactly what he wanted. To be honest he wanted many of the things they passed as they made their way to the men's department, but he thought this particular item would look in keeping with his relatively new position as butler. Thomas asked a female shop assistant for directions, who pointed them towards the stairs or the elevator. "Good to see you again Richard," She said afterwards. "I hope you two are enjoying yourselves." 

"We are thank you, and Izzie has been a wonderful host." Richard replied. Thomas took their informality as a sign that they must know each other well.

"I'm Izzies friend, Lucy. Sorry never introduced myself," the woman said to Thomas. "Sorry, I must get on, we are busy here today. Enjoy yourselves. Nice to meet you Thomas."

"How much of a friend is she to Izzie, if you don't mind me asking?" Thomas said, after Lucy had hurried off. 

"A very very good friend. Much like you are to me Thomas," Richard said.

When they arrived in the mens department, Thomas saw immediately what he was looking for. Looking over towards the watch counter, Thomas asked, "Anything over there within your budget for me Richard?"

"I should think so, I had a feeling you would be drawn towards this area of the store."

Thomas looked at the beautiful display of watches and pocket watches on display, some clearly out of their league, being the sort of thing that Lord Grantham may purchase. But he saw a smaller, but gleaming ornate gold pocket watch, with silver hands, that immediately caught his eye. "What do you think?" Thomas asked Richard.

"I think it will suit you perfectly, I can imagine you with such a fine piece," Richard said. Richard indicated to the assistant, which one Thomas wanted, who packed it up for him, passing him a receipt after Richard had paid.

...

After having a wander around, looking at the many other wonders that Selfridges had to offer, the two men made for the exit. "You know I can never thank you enough, Richard. Not just for this but for the whole experience. I'd never have thought I'd ever step foot in such a place as this." 

"All I ask of you are two things. Firstly, keep that box hidden. Pick pockets would make a fortune from you otherwise." Thomas nodded, understanding. "Secondly, put it on yourself for me when we get back, and let me admire you...and it." Richard said, the latter request in a quieter voice, when no one was immediately near them.

Thomas smiled, "That only seems fair, Mr Ellis" he said, as they walked away back towards the station.


	12. 12

"Thomas," Richard begun as they walked down the stairs underground towards the platforms at Marble Arch station, "I was thinking, we still have a good amount of the day left, I thought we could go in the other direction, perhaps spend some time in some of London's fine green spaces?"

Thomas smiled, "I like the sound of that, I trust you know which way to go then?"

"Always Mr Barrow," Richard said in his confident tone, that Thomas notices he uses a lot when he is in a good mood.

...

After, yet another few journeys on London's underground railway network, which Thomas just let Richard handle, they arrived at Charing Cross station. Richard had explained that it was only a short walk to St James Park, a place he spends a lot of his free time to unwind on his days off, as it was not far from Buckingham Palace. There was a cool, but refreshing breeze that whispered through the trees, the sun hidden momentarily by patchy clouds, only to re-emerge creating a silvery glow behind the small white clouds dotting the London sky. It was a pleasant day, and as they walked down one of the many tree-lined paths near the lake, Thomas spotted an ice cream stand. "Fancy one?" He asked Richard, nodding in the direction of the stall that was parked up underneath a large tree near the lake.

"Sure, why not?" Richard answered as he sat down on the bench he had sat on many times before, on the edge of the path overlooking the lake, whilst Thomas went over to buy them both an ice cream. A few moments later, Thomas returned with two vanilla ice creams, Richard was pleased to see the portions of actual ice cream were generous. Although they were both sitting at the same end of the seat, they weren't sitting too close for any people passing by to think them being "inappropriate". Richard would have liked nothing more than to find a quiet spot somewhere on one of the lawns and lie on the grass next to Thomas, but that was not possible in such a busy park during the early afternoon. Anything like that would have to be reserved for his future visits to the Downton estate, where it was easier to find somewhere to be alone, of which he hoped there would be many.

"You come here often then?" Thomas asked, taking the first bite of the cone of the ice cream, having eaten the two scoops of ice cream already. 

"On my half days off, when there isn't time to do much else. I came to this very spot after my first day as a footman. I was feeling overwhelmed by all the rules and the way things were done, I came here to come to my senses a bit I guess. It's still my place to get away when I need to," Richard said, quiet a moment as he smiled at a memory that popped into his mind. "I really messed up on my first day. They didn't trust a footman with no experience to serve dinner, so I was stuck polishing shoes. I guess they thought it was something I couldn't mess up."

"And you did?" Thomas prompted.

"Hugely," Richard said. "I used the wrong type of polish on several pairs of shoes. Instead of making them shine, I made them even more dull than before I started. I felt like such an idiot, I mean, I've polished my own shoes countless times before."

Thomas laughed a little at Richard's expense, "Hmm, well we all make silly mistakes on our first day. I am sure even Mr Carson did, I would love to know what it was."

"I'm sure you would, I bet most of the other Downton staff would. What about you? How was your first day?" Richard asked.

Thomas thought a moment, he remembered the relief he felt when he got his first position at Downton. Since being chucked out by his family, he had been on his own for a while, only managing to find temporary employment. This job was the first one that was permanent. "I tripped on the stairs carrying a tray of drinks, they went everywhere. They weren't best pleased with me, but Mrs Hughes cut me some slack considering it was my first day, so nothing else was said on the matter. It didn't stop me from trying to pin the blame on someone else though. I was used to having to stick up for myself as no one else would, so I assumed that I would have to do the same at Downton. It was the reason I wasn't the nicest person to be around for a long time."

"I find it hard to imagine you being mean to anyone to be honest Thomas. But I can see that you would be determined, I like that about you" Richard said.

"I guess I didn't want to lose that job, it was the best one I'd ever had up until then and I would do whatever it took to keep it."

"Probably why you were never actually properly sacked, despite all the times you almost were," Richard replied.

"Yes, although some was good luck and help from the others. Seemed they like having me around more than I realised," Thomas said, finishing off the last piece of his ice cream.

"Got you to where you are now," Richard continued.

"Yes it did, they did. I guess this is the job I wanted from the moment I started. I was ambitious, I wanted more, always," Thomas said. "What about you? Would you like to take over from Mr Wilson when he retires?"

Richard laughed, folding his arms across his chest, "I bet you, Mr Wilson won't ever stop, he'd never let go of that job to anyone because he'd hate to think of anyone messing it all up. He is an absolute perfectionist. But theoretically, I'm not sure I could manage Buckingham Palace, it would be a massive undertaking, and I'd never get to see you." Thomas felt a warmth rise within him and his heart jump a little when Richard said that.


	13. 13

Thomas stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom that connected to their bedroom. Richard was downstairs with Izzie cleaning up after dinner. Thomas did offer to help of course, but Richard insisted he should go upstairs and try on his new pocket watch. He had spent a lot longer than what was necessary to fix it to his waistcoat pocket, but he really loved the look and feel of it. Richard was right, it really did add something to him, and it looked good on him, even though he said so himself. Before he had put it on, he'd given it a little polish, even though it was shining already. He had wound it too and now, stood in the silence of the bathroom, he listened to the quiet tick it was making. This was quite simply the most precious thing he'd ever received and he loved it, almost as much as the man who had given it to him. He sighed. He would be back at Downton, this time tomorrow. He loved his job, and he finally felt like he belonged there, but it was so far away from him. It was so hard to know when he'd see Richard again, probably not for months. And as for when they next get to spend a few days in each others company like this, well that was more of a question of 'when' rather than 'if'. Thomas tried to stay positive, he had forgotten for the past few days that he even had to go back to Downton, he has had the time of his life and most importantly he has a man who is more than willing to do this long distance, awkward and inconvenient relationship with him. Thomas sighed again, putting his hands on either side of the basin and hanging his head for a moment, his mind in a whirl, "Dammit", he said to himself, expressing his frustration at his situation. "Who knew happiness could be so complicated."

"Oh, but the best things in life are worth fighting for." Thomas looked up suddenly. Richard was standing there leaning against the doorframe. Thomas never heard him come in.

"How long have you been standing there?"

"Not long, but long enough to hear what you said, and enough to read your thoughts," Richard said, slowly approaching Thomas, who had now stood up fully, and had turned to face him. Richard put his hands on Thomas' hips and stepped closer to him, kissing him gently on the forehead.

Thomas chuckled, "Am I so easy to read? I thought I'd hid it better than that." Thomas said, wrapping his arms around Richard's waist.

"Not to everyone else I don't think, but I'm learning how to read the complicated book that is Thomas Barrow," Richard smiled.

"I don't want to go. Simple as that. I need you. Without you I'm worried I'll fall apart again."

"I don't want to leave you either. You complete me Thomas," Richard sighed. "If I could, I would spend the rest of my life with you." Their foreheads touched, each man's eyes closed, savouring being in the presence of each other. "And you won't fall apart, just remember this, I think you're incredible." Richard added after a few moments. "I will be with you forever, there won't ever be anyone else. You know what I mean?"

Thomas smiled, "Of course I do," he said taking Richards hand, gently holding each of his fingers in turn. They had been standing in the dark in the bathroom for some time, the glow of a full moon however, cast a gentle glow over the room and them both.

Richard looked over to the moon out the window, "Remind you of something?" He said with a smile and a look in his eye. Thomas smiled at the memory they were both sharing at that moment, and he could almost smell the cool fresh breeze of the countryside night air, mixed with the sound of it gently brushing through the blades of wheat that surrounded them that night. The first night they had spent together. Without saying anything, Richard took Thomas' hand and slowly pulled him back with him out of the bathroom and back into the bedroom. "You'd wanna take that off," Richard said, looking at the pocket watch. Thomas obeyed, liking the direction this was going in, and placed it on the table near the bed. Richard snaked his hand up Thomas' back under his jacket, tugging the jacket off Thomas when his hands reached Thomas' shoulders. He then started on his waistcoat, cursing the fact that Thomas was wearing so much after trying on the pocket watch he gave him, slowly undoing the buttons at the top first, then speeding up as he began to lose patience. A feeling they seemed to share as when he was undoing the final buttons, Thomas had removed Richard's shirt and belt, the buckle clunking on the floor as it fell to the ground. Any remaining items of clothing was lost a few moments later, and by the time Thomas had pushed Richard back to the bed where he ended up straddling Richard's lap, in the opposite of the situation they had found themselves in the night before. Thomas grabbed the back of Richard's head and their lips crashed together in an explosion of passion, feeling Richard growing hard beneath him.

"What do you want?" Thomas asked panting, whilst leaning back from their ferocious kiss for a few seconds.

"Everything" Richard said, as he pulled Thomas back down onto him. 

They didn’t get much sleep that night.


	14. 14

Thomas woke to a faint ticking sound coming from nearby. His golden pocket watch stood on the table next to the bed, ticking almost silently and glinting in the sun that had risen several hours ago. Richard was lying behind him, his naked body pressed against Thomas, one of his arms casually draped over Thomas' hip underneath the bed sheets, and his gentle breath regularly brushing on the back of Thomas' neck in a very pleasant way. Although his watch was only next to him, Thomas didn't want to move to check what the time was, just in case he woke Richard up. He was enjoying this too much and was savouring every moment, every feeling and sensation before this came to an end. He would have to be getting up soon though, he thought, to have time to get to Paddington station. He sighed at the thought, and then felt Richard shuffle behind him. Richard withdrew his arm from around Thomas, and Thomas turned over to face him. "Were you sleeping? Did I wake you?" Richard asked, after kissing Thomas lightly on the lips.

"No, I've been awake for a few minutes. I'm not used to waking to the sun on my face," Thomas said.

"Makes two of us,” Richard said smiling. "Oh, it looks like breakfast is waiting for us," Richard said looking over to the table near the wall where a tray had been left for the two of them by Izzie.

Thomas looked towards it too, "I never heard her come in," Thomas said, trying to stifle a yawn.

"What time is it?"

Thomas stretched lazily over to the bedside table for his pocket watch, "10am. Wait what!"

"Hmm, seems we overslept a bit," Richard chuckled.

"Oh wonderful," Thomas said, his peaceful moment of morning bliss disrupted.

"It's fine. We still have plenty of time, as long as we get a move on."

Thomas moaned, part of him saying to himself that he could just accidentally forget the time the train left and get a later one, then the more rational part of his mind telling him that's a bad idea. "Alright. Fine. Pass me my trousers."

"Aren't they over your side?" Richard said.

"No. Richard, why is it that whenever I sleep with you, I lose items of clothing?"

...

A few hours later, Richard, Thomas and Thomas' trousers, made it to Paddington Station on time. This was always going to be the hardest part, Thomas thought. Not just the saying goodbye, but not being able to say it properly. Crowds of people meant any real goodbye between them would be impossible. He really hated the thought of just parting like friends. They were so much more than that. He wanted to kiss Richard goodbye like he had seen a young woman kiss her sweetheart as he boarded another train earlier. He wanted to hold his hand, and tell him that he loves him and that he will miss him, until the meet again. But he can't. It made his heart feel heavy, and he was frustrated at how unfair life is for them both.

"What is it?" Richard asked, as they walked towards the platform.

"Nothing, just wishing this situation at the moment could be done differently."

Richard, understood what Thomas was trying to say. He wanted the same, so badly. He wanted everything to be different. Better. But things may change over many years, he was optimistic that they would. But it didn't help them now, at this moment. He had thought of that last night, and hoped to remedy the situation as best he could.

The train was waiting at the platform, with passengers already boarding. A whistle blew, hurrying up what the two of them had been trying to put off until now. "I don't know what to say," Thomas said. "Nothing seems right."

"You don't have to say anything, I know what you would say if you could."

"Three words," Thomas said.

Richard smiled, "Three words," he said in return.

Another whistle blew and Thomas picked up his case and shook Richard's hand, holding it a little longer than necessary for an ordinary hand shake. Just as Thomas turned to board the train, Richard took his hand again, and pressed an envelope into Thomas' hand. "Read this on the train," he said.

...

Thomas looked out the window of the train, as it started to pull away from Paddington station. He looked at the envelope in his hand. He tore it open, and saw a letter inside. He looked around him quickly before turning it over to read it, though luckily no one was sitting close enough to him to see the contents of this letter:

_ Dearest Thomas, _

_ I knew our parting at the station would be too ordinary or formal to really reflect how each of us wanted that moment to go. I didn't want us to part as friends or general acquaintances as most people around us would want us too. So I decided to write this, a description of how I wanted our parting to go, if things were different for us. I am no author or poet, but I want you to read this and imagine it all (After last night, where you demonstrated how broad your imagination can be, I'm sure this will be easy for you to see in your mind’s eye). Remember, it is real because we both want it to be. _

_ We walk hand in hand down the station platform, towards the waiting train. We stop in a patch of sunlight, beaming down through the glass roof of Paddington station, illuminating us like a spotlight, but yet no one pays us any unwanted attention. We are just two more people, one other couple. You put your case down at your feet, and then wrap your arms around my waist and I respond by wrapping mine around the top of your shoulders and neck, as we kiss. I whisper something in your ear, and you laugh. I love the sound of your laugh. The train guard blows his whistle, and I have to let you go. But not before I say "I love you" and you promise to see me again very soon. _

_ This is how it should have been, but I will promise to see you again. I can't say when, but I will. _

_ Forever yours, _

_ Richard _

Thomas was glad no one was sitting opposite him as he tried to stop the tears from falling. He was perfect, that's all Thomas could think right now. Richard was perfect. He silently promised back, that he will see him again too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for everyone's wonderful comments/reviews. I have other stories to upload in this series and I'll get onto that soon.


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